For Better or For Worse
by Stelena-Beautiful
Summary: Lila's betrayal severely tests her marriage to Cass. Will they stay married or not?
1. Affair to Even

**For Better or For Worse**

_**Cass and Lila, A to Z.**_

**A – Affair**

She hadn't set out to have an affair. But seeing Cass with Anne made Lila insecure and when Lila was insecure, she lashed out at the world in any way that she could. No one came out unscathed when Lila Roberts-Winthrop was on the warpath. She just wanted Cass to feel the pain he was dealing out to her when he would run to Anne for solace every time they didn't see eye-to-eye in their marriage. Sure, she didn't really believe that Cass was actually sleeping with the lookalike of his oh-so-wonderful and perfect Frankie, but Cass and Anne were having an emotional fling in Lila's mind and that was enough to send her into the waiting arms of the once-again single, Matthew Cory – a man who had truly wanted her for so long. They had a little daughter together. It made sense for them to connect when nothing else in their world made sense.

* * *

**B – Baby**

She couldn't believe it but she was having a baby. And not just any baby – but most likely Matt's child once again. She had slept with Cass just the night before she had "reconnected" with Matt sexually but something told her that she was not going to get a happily ever after out of this with either man. She loved Cass with all of her heart but Matt had a hold on her too through Jasmine and maybe now this new kid of hers. In her heart of hearts though she couldn't deny that she wanted her child to belong to Cass, without any question. However when he found out there was a possibility that this child growing inside of her belly wasn't his, he would never get over it. He would never forgive her. What could she do now but lie?

* * *

**C – Conceal**

As her clothes got tighter and her moods more erratic, she realized she could not conceal her pregnancy for much longer. She was still trying to figure out a way to tell Cass that this baby was his when she wasn't absolutely sure that it was. She somehow felt she couldn't look into his beautiful brown eyes and tell him what she had done. But in the end, the choice was not up to her. Cass found her prenatal pills in her purse one day when he was looking for a mint. _Likely story._ She knew he had been onto her from the beginning and he had to be wondering why she had kept the truth about her pregnancy a secret for these three months.

"Why wouldn't you tell me you're pregnant?" Cass asked, looking at her with a lamenting expression in his eyes that nearly brought her to her knees.

"You and Anne –"

"Anne is leaving town," Cass said. "And you absolutely know there has never been anything between us."

"I am sorry but I didn't know that!" Lila spat, feeling so emotion whether from her pregnancy hormones or from her genuine guilt. "I thought because she reminded you so much of your precious Frankie that –"

"That I would leave you?" Cass asked. "You have to know that would never happen."

"Why because I'm your obligation? Your 'ol ball and chain?" Lila challenged him.

"No. Because I love you, Lila. You know that. I spent a lot of time with Anne, yes, but I sent her away because I realized how much it had to be hurting you… Now tell me why you tried to hide your pregnancy for so long?"

Lila had intended to lie to Cass but looking into his gentle, urging eyes she knew somehow that she couldn't do it. "Because, Cass, there's a good chance you're not this child's father."

Cass literally stumbled backwards in his shock and horror. He managed to catch himself on the edge of the sofa and her hands reached out to touch him but he was shooing them away. "No, don't, Lila. Don't. Just … Just tell me you're joking about this."

"Oh god that I could," Lila moaned as tears poured from her eyes.

"Well who's the lucky guy?" Cass snapped facetiously.

"It's Matt."

"Matthew Cory." It wasn't a question.

"Yeah," Lila admitted. "I'm so sorry, Cass. You know I love you –"

"Don't say that. Don't you dare say that after what you've done!" Cass thundered. "You went behind my back … You just broke my heart." She could see him trying to remain stoic but it wasn't working. His façade was slipping and quickly too.

"Cass, I love you. I still love you so much. But you were spending more and more time with that wench Anne and –"

"And it's no excuse. You know I would never sleep with her, unless you don't know me at all. Like I never knew you. Wait, that's wrong. I knew who you were from the beginning. I should have listened to my instincts and stayed away from your poisonous venomous self."

"Cass!" she cried but he was already marching out of the house and away from her, where she could never hope to reach him.

* * *

**D – Docks**

Cass ended up taking a walk on the docks at the lake, trying to rein in his emotions. He couldn't believe, for the life of him, that his wife – the woman he loved more than anything in the whole world – had gone behind his back with the man who had stood up for them at their wedding. Sure Lila and Matthew shared a connection through their three-year-old daughter but he never would have dreamt it could come to this. Not even in his worst nightmares, would he have imagined that.

A tear rolled down his cheek even as he willed himself not to care enough to cry. He was trying to shut off his feelings right now in regards to Lila but it wasn't working. He still loved her. He still wanted her. But she had betrayed him. He wasn't going to forgive her for this. He couldn't even as he longed to be the father of the baby she was carrying. But she had said there was a good chance he wasn't and that gave him every reason in the world to divorce her.

* * *

**E – Even**

Cass avoided all of Lila's phone calls and even her visits during the next week. Finally he got on the phone and called her himself, only to bark at her that he wanted a paternity test done on the baby she was carrying.

A week later he found himself waiting at the hospital waiting to see John Hudson about getting an amniocentesis done. He paced the waiting room anxiously. That's when he spotted Lila and none other than Matt himself come walking in. He wanted to pounce on Matt and beat the tar out of him but resisted by sheer force of will. Instead he barked out, "What's _he_ doing here?"

Matthew shook his head. "I'm sorry you found out about us the way you did, Cass, I really am; but this baby could easily be mine as well."

Cass shook his head and turned away as Lila tugged on his arm. "Cass, please don't be angry."

"How can you even ask me that?" Cass asked. "You slept with him and he may have gotten you pregnant." The thought that the baby his wife was carrying wasn't his pained him to the max. If only he could stop thinking of her as his wife …

"I know but we can work things out –"

Matt touched Lila's arm. "You want to work things out with Cass, Lila? Even after you turned to me more than once?"

Cass shouldn't have been surprised but he felt sucker punched just the same. "It wasn't a one-time thing, I take it."

Lila shook her head as she cupped her little belly. "No, I'm afraid not. But Cass, I still love you. Just you." She looked at Matt as Cass refused to look at her. Her expression was pained as she whispered, "I'm sorry I put both of you through this."


	2. Felicia to Innocent

**F – Felicia**

After what seemed like months rather than a mere six days, the paternity test results finally came in. Cass, Lila and Matthew once again gathered at the hospital and John Hudson sat them down. Cass looked at John's sympathetic expression directed at him and he bristled. He knew. Right then _Cass_ knew the truth too. He didn't even stick around long enough for the test results to be read aloud. He knew he wasn't the father of Lila's child and it devastated him beyond words.

Lila chased after him but he ignored her pleas for him to return. He instead stepped on the elevator and rode downstairs. He was coming off the elevator when he spotted his best friend Felicia coming in the entrance. "Felicia," he said in a hoarse voice.

Felicia nodded. "You're not –"

He had told her everything and here she was to comfort him as always. "No, I'm not. That honor belongs to Matthew Cory."

Felicia sighed loudly and pulled him into a tight hug. "I'm sorry, Cass. I never thought even Lila could sink this low."

Cass nodded. "I didn't want to believe it."

* * *

**G – Grievances**

Felicia and Cass ended up at the Harbor Club and Cass immediately ordered a scotch. He intended to get drunk as a skunk but Felicia wouldn't let him. With her history of alcohol abuse, he knew he couldn't get really drunk in front of her anyway. Instead he ordered a simple meal that he ended up not being able to finish.

"You still love her?" Felicia finally asked as she wiped her mouth delicately on a white cloth napkin.

Cass sighed. "I don't think it matters at this point."

"It does matter," Felicia said. "I may not be Lila's biggest fan by far but I haven't seen you look at a woman the way you do her since Frankie. I would hate to see you toss all that away because you're angry right now."

"Felicia… Don't you think I have a right to be greatly well, pissed off?"

"Pissed off, yes. Your grievances with Lila are justified and understandable considering what she's done, but she made you happy, Cass. In a way you hadn't been before, at least in a long time. I know she was very wrong but I don't want you to give up on her unless you're really sure things can't be fixed between you." Felicia reached out and squeezed his hand. "Go see her."

"I don't think I can."

"Cass, you've never been a coward. Don't start acting that way now. Face your fears."

Cass nodded. "Okay I'll see her. But why can't relationships be as wonderfully uncomplicated as they are in one of your romance novels?"

"Because that's fiction, Cass. This is reality. Cold, hard reality."

* * *

**H – Humiliation**

He couldn't believe that five minutes ago he had actually been thinking about forgiving her. Well that went out the window the moment he looked into the window of their house – for it was no longer a home – and spotted her locked in a strong embrace with Matthew. He hurt so acutely. He wanted to hurt her and Matthew too but he wouldn't stick around and humiliate himself even further. He instead got in his car and drove off, back to his penthouse at the hotel, telling himself not to look back. Lila never knew he was even there.

* * *

**I – Innocent**

Little did Cass realize that the hug he had seen between Lila and Matt was for once, perfectly innocent. In fact, it had been a hug of comfort and even one of goodbye. Lila had been crying hysterically when Matt brought her back to her place. Matt had hugged her out of instinct and told her that he would go get Cass but she had insisted Cass didn't want to see her. Little did she know how much he had seen – or thought he had seen.

Lila hugged Matthew tightly and then let go. She was prepared to let him down as easily as she could but he already sensed it coming. "You still love Cass."

"Yeah," Lila admitted. "I always have. I want to make things work with him. I have to try anyway though I doubt he will give me an inch. I love you, Matthew, as a friend."

Matthew nodded. "I know. I am sorry that I took advantage of you –"

She shook her head. "I actually took advantage of you," Lila said sadly. "I wanted to hurt Cass the way he had me with his always spending time with that insipid Anne but I knew I loved him. That I always will. So I'm sorry I dragged you into this and now you're stuck with another kid of mine."

"I don't feel stuck. I love you, Lila. But our timing just always really sucks." He leaned over and kissed her cheek. "I know if Cass really loves you the way he professed to, he'll forgive you in time."

"I hope so," Lila murmured. "I really hope so."

TBC


	3. Justice to Lose

_**Thanks for the reviews so far. Here's more!**_

**J – Justice**

Lila sat alone on her sofa long after Matthew had gone, mourning the sad state of her life. She was completely alone and perhaps that was karmic justice for all she had done. No, it just was. She deserved to be alone but dammit, she didn't like it. Not at all. She loved Cass so much but she just knew that he would never forgive her for what she had done. She couldn't exactly blame him but damn did she miss him – his gentle touch, his casual humor, his wonderful smile…

She was a strong woman but she knew she couldn't do this all alone. Matthew would be by her side for their child's sake and she appreciated it but the only man she wanted near was the man she had callously tossed aside, the one she had driven away. Cass. Dear Cass…

* * *

**K – Kid**

"Hold on, kid, this might be a bumpy ride," Lila said, rubbing her ever-growing tummy as she approached the door of Cass's law office. She knew there was a good chance he would turn her away – or try to – but she wanted to say her piece.

She walked into the office, past his annoying secretary who tried to scramble up to stop her, but Lila just pressed on. She approached his office just as the door opened and none other than Felicia Gallant came walking out. Lila immediately stiffened. She didn't like Felicia, didn't understand the connection she had to Cass, and she sensed the feeling was incredibly mutual.

"Felicia," Lila said coolly. "Can you please step aside so that I can see my husband?"

Felicia shook her head. "You make it so hard to be nice to you."

"As if you've ever tried to be," Lila said with a toss of her raven locks.

"There's a good reason I haven't," Felicia tossed off. "If I didn't think Cass loved you, I would scratch your eyes out for what you've done to him."

"Go ahead and try," Lila spat and thought about slapping the indignant, self-righteous look off Felicia's face but just as she raised her hand to do so, Cass intercepted them. He had been on the phone and quickly slammed it down when he saw the fight brewing in the hallway.

"Dammit, Lila," he barked. "What are you doing?"

"Putting this bitter old witch in her place," Lila returned acidly.

"No need, I was just leaving," Felicia said and offered Cass a smile before sauntering away.

"Oh I hate that 'ol biddy," Lila snapped.

"You shouldn't have gone after her like that, Lila," Cass chastised her as if she were a naughty child. She resented it.

"And you had no right telling her what happened with Matthew, airing our dirty laundry –"

"She's my friend, Lila!"

"Who used to be much more!"

"Why is that every woman in my life is a threat to you?"

"They aren't."

"Oh just Felicia and Anne then."

"Don't say their names," Lila snapped. "I don't want to even think about them. Ever again."

"Anne's gone but Felicia's here to stay."

"Oh joy. You want me to stay away from Matthew but you can't do the same with Felicia."

"I haven't slept with Felicia in decades," Cass said even but his eyes were flashing. His point had been driven home.

"Cass, you are never going to forgive me are you? You're never going to let this go or stop lookin' at me like I'm a pariah. I came to make peace with you and all you can do is throw my faults up in my face. You knew I wasn't perfect. If you were expecting perfection –"

"I didn't want perfection, Lila. But what you did is beyond my comprehension or forgiveness."

"So that's it. You will never understand, you will never forgive. I'm nothing but trash in your eyes. Fine, Cass, just fine!" Lila bellowed and started to turn and march out of the office. She only made it halfway down the hall when terrible cramps ripped through her body, rendering her practically unable to walk. Soon enough, blackness was swimming up before her eyes and right before she passed out, she heard Cass whisper in fear, "Lila?! Agnes, call an ambulance!"

* * *

**L – Lose**

Cass rode with Lila in the hospital, who was coming in and out of consciousness. The paramedic made a note that she was bleeding badly and all Cass could do was sit there holding her hand, willing her to be okay. Willing her baby to be okay. If they didn't make it … Lord, god, let them make it, he whispered a silent prayer in his mind.

They arrived at the hospital after what seemed like hours. John Hudson was waiting at the entrance with three nurses who quickly sprang into action, wheeling Lila into an exam room.

Cass took to pacing before he remembered that he needed to call Matthew. As much as he despised the other man, Matthew was the baby's true father and had a right to know what was going on.

Cass hurried to the bank of pay phones along the back wall and called Matthew. He only said "Lila's in the hospital. It's serious" before he could hear Matthew grab his car keys, jangling them as headed out the door.

Cass went back to pacing and when Matthew showed up, he had to try to explain what happened. "So you fought with Lila? You fought with a pregnant woman?" Matthew demanded. Cass could only nod in shame. He wasn't expecting the punch Matthew delivered to his cheek. He reared back, barely catching himself on a gurney to avoid falling to the floor.

He came back swinging himself. Suddenly the lover was turning into a fighter and he wanted to hurt Matthew. He took a swing at Matthew but was yanked off by none other than John Hudson and a male orderly.

"You two get a hold of yourselves," John chastised them. "Lila doesn't need this right now. She is going to need both of you to get through this."

Cass instantly straightened up. "What do you mean? Is she …"

"She lost the baby," John said. "And she's bleeding heavily. We don't know if we can stop it just yet. She's going to need you both to fight for her. Not fight each other."

Matthew let out a little startled, hurt cry and sunk down into a chair while Cass asked John, "What can we do, John? I – we, can't lose her too."


	4. Miscarriage, Nightmare

**M – Miscarriage**

"What can you two do?" John echoed. "You can both stop fighting each other for one minute, and really think about what Lila needs. Hell, maybe you can even say a prayer."

John then turned on his heel and headed back for the room where Lila was. As the weight of what had occurred that day finally sunk in, Cass's knees gave way and he sagged against the cheap plastic of the nearest chair. It was the only thing holding him together. He felt angry, he felt sad, and most of all he felt incredibly guilty. If he hadn't engaged Lila in a battle of words, she wouldn't be here. He realized he still loved her but it was too late to take back the words he had said to her. She would likely never forgive him for this; she would certainly blame him and he would deserve it. She had been pushed to the limits by the one person who had always sworn they would be there for her. Cass had let Lila down in the worst way.

Matthew muttered something about going to call his family and then he was gone, leaving Cass to his gut-wrenching remorse.

Sometime later, Matthew returned, right in time to meet up with John. John looked at both men though Cass couldn't quite meet his eyes. "We stopped the bleeding. She's very weak but she's asking for you, Cass."

"She wants him – after what he did?" Matthew demanded. "The baby we lost was mine and Lila's… we should be grieving together."

"That very well may be but I have to honor my patient's wishes and she wants to see Cass."

"I don't think I can –" Cass started.

"Don't think, Cass, just be there for your wife. At the end of the day, she's still your wife and needs you."

"Does she know about the miscarriage yet?" Cass asked.

"I tried to explain everything but in her fatigue, I am not sure she quite grasps it. I need you to be strong, Cass, and be there for her. I need you not to play the blame game right now either. If she asks you to grieve with her, you do it. Doctor's orders," John said gruffly and then he turned and walked off.

"Well are you going to Lila or not?" Matthew asked.

"Yes," Cass said though it took monumental strength just to pull himself out of the chair. He forced himself up though and walked towards what he was sure was the guillotine. And he would deserve it too.

He moved into Lila's room and noticed her eyes were closed. For a moment she looked very peaceful and he hated to disturb her. He considered backing out of the room but he resisted. Instead he walked over to her bedside and took her hand gently in his. "Lila," he said in a hoarse voice. "Lila, you wanted to see me?"

Lila's eyes fluttered open and she looked at Cass. "Cass, you came."

"Yes of course. I couldn't stay away. Especially after what happened tonight."

"Oh the fight we had. Felicia and me."

"And the fight we had, you and me."

"I vaguely remember it. I just feel so tired, Cass, so tired. John tried telling me about the baby but I just didn't want to listen. I just wanted to look into my dear Cass's eyes … I just knew you would make everything better."

Cass's eyes moistened with new tears as he looked into Lila's hopeful brown eyes. "I can't make this better."

"You can. Just say you forgive me."

"You won't be able to forgive me for what I've done," Cass said as a single tear trickled down his face.

"What are you talking about, Cass?"

"You really don't know, Lila?" Cass sighed and dropped to his knees, squeezing Lila's hand as tightly as he dared. "You had a miscarriage. We were fighting, Lila. You and me. We shared some very harsh words and then you doubled over and –"

"No!" Lila interrupted him with a loud howl. "No, Cass, no. No! The baby… they are fine." She reached out and pressed her stomach and that's when she must have realized it. "Ohmigod, Cass. Cass, my baby! They're really gone, aren't they?"

* * *

**N – Nightmare**

Cass reached for Lila's hand but she pulled away, touching her stomach, grasping it really tightly actually as tears worked down her face. "My baby, my sweet baby," she cried. "I can't believe this is happening."

Seeing Lila's anguish, tears sparked in Cass's own eyes. "I am sorry, Lila. I am so sorry. I didn't want this. Not at all."

Lila fixed him with a penetrating stare. "Are you sure about that, Cass? I mean you hated the fact that Matthew 'knocked me up'. You absolutely hated it. I know you did because every time I looked into your eyes there was hostility and anger there."

Cass shook his head. "Alright, yes, I hated how the baby came to be but you know me, Lila, you have to know that I could never wish a child dead. Especially one of yours. I see you with Jasmine and even Charlie and I know you are a wonderful mother. I could have loved your baby."

Lila sniffed. "It's so easy to say that now – now that they are gone." He reached for her hand again but she pulled away. "And now that they're never coming back. My poor baby…"

"I'm so sorry, Lila. If I hadn't argued with you … The baby would be here. This is entirely my fault. I am never going to forgive myself for it. I don't blame you if you don't either."

"Cass, I don't know what you want me to say…"

"That makes two of us," Cass admitted. He reached out and touched her cheek as more tears worked down her alabaster skin. "I think we can both agree this is a nightmare."

"I wish it was, Cass. I wish it was all a bad dream. I wish that my baby was still here and that you had been their daddy. Cause that's what I wanted more than anything. But I would have been happy just to have my baby. I loved them no matter how they came to be."

"I know. I can't forgive myself for costing you your child."

"I want to be mad at you, Cass. Hell I should be spitting bullets at you right now but I just don't want to fight anymore. We see how bad things happen when we do."

Cass cringed but then he nodded. "You're right."

"We can face everything that went wrong in the morning. You can go back to hating the very sight of me. Just for tonight… Cass, hold me. Please hold me."

"Lila, I –"

"Cass, please. Just for tonight, hold me and don't let me go."

Cass finally nodded and Lila pulled back the covers. Cass climbed slowly, carefully, into the bed, and wrapped his arms gently around her. They fell asleep that way.


End file.
